Haere mai ki te ratonga o kaiārahi
Welcome to the Counselling Service
- How useful have you found this information space? Kua wahi hua koe ki ēnei whakamārama?
How useful have you found this information space? Kua wahi hua koe ki ēnei whakamārama?
Your opportunity to have your say on how useful you found the topics in this space. You may also comment on how you found the counselling service if you've seen a counsellor.
Where can you find us? In the new offices at the end of the library, our desks are inside the first door to the offices.
Where do you wait for us? In the library
Mark Stewart (Hours: during school time)
Email: firstname.lastname@example.org or drop in or drop a note on my desk
Suzzanne Barthow (Hours: Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday 8.40am-12.20pm)
Email: email@example.com or drop in or drop a note in the box on my desk
Reasons to see a counsellor: celebrating your strengths and achievements; needing someone to listen; finding ways to manage feelings; finding ways to manage unhelpful relationships with whanau, friends, and others (e.g. teachers and coaches); finding out about local agencies that may be helpful for you or a friend; talking about how to manage stress; developing resilience.
- The 3 Happiness Myths
The 3 Happiness Myths
Life is about the choices we make/Mā te kōwhiringa ka whakatau te oranga o te tangata
Everyone experiences the kind of feelings that feel uncomfortable. It's really hard for a person to be happy all the time over the course of their life, especially as our minds are wired toward what might go wrong so that we can avoid danger.
What contributes to unhappiness?
- Assuming the worst
- Living in the past (what happened yesterday, last week, last month)
- Comparing yourself to others
- Trying to 'fix' your feelings
- Believing all your thoughts
- Focusing on what you don't have
- Getting upset with things that are outside your control
- Not being yourself
(Retrieved from: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/8-things-you-might-doing-youre-feeling-unhappy.html)
What can we do to be happier, if being happy means having a rich, full, meaningful life?
- Assume the best
- Live in the present, be in the here-and-now
- Be yourself - Oscar Wilde said "Be yourself, everyone else is already taken"
- Take control of and be responsible for your own actions
- Rather than focusing on all your thoughts and feelings notice what's going on around you and let the thoughts and feelings slide into the background, like a television programme with the mute on.
He aha te mea manukanuka? What is Anxiety?
An ongoing worry that plays on the mind and creates feelings of discomfort.
Common anxiety responses:
- hot and cold flushes
- racing heart
- tight feeling in the chest or chest pains
- struggling to breathe
- snowballing worries that get bigger and bigger
- a racing mind full of thoughts
- a constant need to check things are right or clean
- persistent worrying ideas that seem 'silly or crazy' (pōrangi)
(Retrieved from: https://www.sparx.org.nz/sites/default/files/sparx-brochure-for-youth.pdf).
Some tips for managing anxiety:
- Allow your feelings and thoughts to be present, like a song that's playing in the background or watching a dvd with the sound on mute. You can do this by:
STOP!!! S = stop; T = Take notice of your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations e.g. swirly tummy, acknowledge and name them; O = open up by taking 2 deep, slow breaths, notice 5 things you can see around you, 5 things you can hear, things you can smell, feel, and taste; P = go and do something that's important to you.
Some useful NZ sites:
A TED talk 'All it takes is 10 mindful minutes':
A self-test link:
Some helpful things to say and do for yourself or someone experiencing anxiety:
He aha te mea aumangea? What is resilience?
Resilience is the ability to cope when things don't go the way we expect them to and being able to adapt to new circumstances.(Retrieved from https://kidshelpline.com.au/teens/issues/building-resilience)
Resilience can also be described as:
Bouncing back after difficult times
Dealing with hardships and still holding your head up
Giving things a go or trying your best
Being strong on the inside
Being able to cope with what life throws at you and shrug it off
Standing up for yourself
What can you do to develop resilience?:
- Have a sense of purpose that fits with what's important to you
- Be confident in your own abilities, strengths, and accomplishments no matter how small they may seem
- Engage in caring, supportive relationships
- Be flexible and willing to adapt
- Understand that setbacks are temporary and that you have the skills and abilities to combat the challenge you face or else you know how to ask for help
- Exercise, eat well, get more sleep
- Do activities you enjoy that are helpful to your body, mind, and relationships
- Develop problem solving skills
- Establish small, achievable goals
- Take action to solve problems
- Keep working on your skills
Steps for problem solving
Kohukihuki/StressHe aha te mea kohukihuki? What is stress?
A response our body has to anything that seems threatening. It is a normal human response. Click on the link to read about stress:what it is, the effects of stress, and how to manage stressful situations.Try the tips below to help manage and reduce your stress levels:
- Reduce or avoid caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine and other drugs which give short term relief but don't help long term
- Get outside - sit in a park, play on the swings, go to the beach, walk around your yard
- Exercise - even a little helps; kick a ball around, walk around the block, skateboard or scooter
- Try to get more sleep
- Try relaxation techniques (https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/relaxation-techniques-for-stress-relief.htm)
- Talk to someone you trust
- Keep a stress diary (https://www.wcu.edu/WebFiles/PDFs/STRESS_DIARY_sample.pdf)
- Try writing in a journal, developing an invitation only blog, writing poetry or songs, draw, colour or doodle
- Take control of things you have a say about
- Manage your time
- Learn to say "No" to doing more stuff
- Rest when you are sick
(Retrieved from https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/stress-tips.html)
Bullying is when someone says or does something intentionally hurtful and they keep doing it even when you tell them to stop or you show them you're upset.
- Bullying is deliberate - harming another person intentionally
- Bullying involves a misuse of power in a relationship - they're bigger, older, know stuff about you others don't
- Bullying is usually not a one-off - it is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated over time
- Bullying involves behaviour that can cause harm - it is not a normal part of growing up.
Bullying can happen anywhere, in person or online (cyberbullying), at any time, and can be verbal, physical or social (relational). It can be obvious or hidden.
Kids who bully use their power — such as physical strength, knowing something embarassing, or popularity — to control or harm others. Bullying is when one student (or a group of students) keeps picking on another student again and again to make them feel bad. They say or do things to upset them, make fun of them, stop them from joining in, or keep hitting or punching them.
(Retrieved from https://www.bullyingfree.nz/about-bullying/what-is-bullying/)
Some tips for responding to bullying (it may be useful to try practising these strategies with a friend, a parent, or with the school counsellor)
Groups you can contact to get help with bullying and cyberbullying:
Kidsline is New Zealand's original telephone counselling service for all kids up to 14 years of age. Kidsline operates from 4pm to 6pm Monday through to Friday. When kids ring they will speak to a Kidsline buddy – a specially trained teenage telephone counsellor.
P 0800 54 37 54
Lifeline's telephone counselling service provides 24 hour a day, 7 day a week counselling and support. Calls are confidential and free and you will speak to a trained Lifeline counsellor.
P 522 2999 (within Auckland)
P 0800 543 354 (outside Auckland)
Being assertive means being able to say with confidence what you want and believe because you value yourself and believe in your rights and the rights of others.
What's the difference between being assertive and being aggressive? He aha te rerekētanga ki te whakapae me te mahi ririhau?
An aggressive response is "I'm right and you're wrong" "I matter, you don't matter" "I win, you lose" When someone is being aggressive they may stand over you, raise their voice and look scary/intimidating.
An assertive response accepts and respects my own rights but also the rights of others. When someone is assertive they may stand up tall but keep their voice even and respectful, expressing yourself in a clear, honest, and direct way.
Assertiveness defined, three kinds of communication, and how to be more assertive (you can listen to or read this info):
Using "I" statements:
A useful phrase to use: "I feel...... when you...... because......"
An example: :"I feel sad/angry when you say mean things to me because I feel disrespected."
Some things to remember:
- Is it the right time to speak up?
- What might be the consequences to me and to others?
- What are my rights and how do I express them respectfully?
- What am I feeling and how do I respond without the feeling/s taking over the situation?
- What can I change?
Healthy relationships allow the people in the relationship to feel supported and connected but still feel independent. The parts of the brain involved in relationships are also the ones that balance the stress response and allow empathy (Szalavitz & Perry, 2010).
Healthy vs Unhealty Relationships:
Communication (whakawhitiwhiti kōrero) and boundaries (wāhi whakahaumaru) are the two most important parts of healthy relationships. Together the people in the relationship decide what is healthy for them and what is not. If something doesn’t feel right in the relationship you should have the freedom to voice your concerns.
Communication helps people to understand each other more, and allows you to feel connected to the other pereson. In a healthy relationship with good communication, the people:
- Treat each other with respect
- Speak openly to one another about thoughts and feelings
- Feel heard when expressing feelings
- Listen to each other and compromise
- Do not criticize each other
- Feel supported to do the things they like
- Celebrate each other’s accomplishments and successes
A boundary is a line that says, "this is me and not me, this is mine and not mine. This is what I am responsible for and can change, this is what I am not responsible for and cannot change." (Alexander, 2009).
Each person in a relationship should be able to express what they are comfortable and are not comfortable with, especially when it comes to family and friends, personal space and time, finances and sex. In a healthy relationship with boundaries, the people:
- Allow each other to spend time with friends and family
- Do not abuse technology to check on each other
- Trust each other and not require the other/s to “check in”
- Do not pressure the other/s to do things that they don’t want to do
- Do not constantly accuse the other/s of cheating or being unfaithful
(Retrieved from http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/healthy-relationships/)
Healthy Relationships/Ko ngā whakawhanaungatanga whai oranga:
- Healthy relationships have strong basic acceptance of the other person/people
- Healthy relationships have clear, visible boundary lines
- Healthy relationships allow compromise
- Healthy relationships allow each person to express themselves openly and live who they are inside in the relationship
- Healthy relationships are about each person owning and taking responsibility for their own feelings and behaviour (Alexander, 2009).
Friendships are an important part of being human. Long term, loving relationships are based on friendship. Everyone needs to have a friend. To have friends you need to know how to be a friend.
Good friends vs toxic friends:How to Be a Good Friend/Me whai he pou whirinaki
- Be a good listener
- Know when to be serious and when to be silly
- Use appropriate language and behaviour
- Be there when they ask for help
- Make them feel wanted
- Tell them, “I've got your back,” at least once (and mean it.)
- Understand and respect boundaries
- Be honest and give useful feedback when needed
- Learn how to apologise
- Introduce them to your other friends
(Retrieved from http://www.selfstairway.com/how-to-be-a-good-friend/)
Being a good listener/Me āta whakarongo:
Bruno Mars You can count on me
- Mate pāpōuri/Depression
He aha te mate pāpōuri? What is depression?
Depression is a common state that many people experience; it may be caused by extreme tiredness, life changing events, a sense that things will never change in life, illness, unemployment, bullying, stress, and relationship breakdowns.
Depression can range from a sense of feeling a bit down to feeling like life is not worth living.
Depression may happen when feelings and thoughts get locked inside a person.
Feelings that often accompany depression are anger, anxiety, disappointment, sadness, inadequacy, helplessness, and confusion.
Depression is treatable.
Click on the link below to read more about depression and the signs and symptoms of depression:
The link below is a self-test for depression:
- Self-Harming Behaviours and Suicide/Ko te whanonga kino i a koe anō me te whakamomori
Self-Harming Behaviours and Suicide/Ko te whanonga kino i a koe anō me te whakamomori
Self-harm is the name given to any behaviour which causes a person to deliberately do things to hurt themselves as they try to get relief from painful thoughts, feelings, and situations.
Self-harming behaviour includes:
Cutting, drinking alcohol excessively, picking the skin, bruising and burning the skin, taking lots of pills frequently, head-banging, having unprotected, frequent sex in multiple relationships, over-exercising, binge watching violent television programmes, binge playing violent games (Netflix) or binge playing violent computer games, and suicide.
Learning how to talk about and manage painful feelings and thoughts is an important step to take when life overwhelms you.
For more information click on the link below:
For help/Hei āwhina atu:
- Call Lifeline on 0800 543 354
- Call Youthline on 0800 376 633, or text 234
- Call Healthline on 0800 611 116
- Call Samaritans on 0800 726 666
- Contact a doctor or your local mental health crisis team
In an emergency/He mate ohorere:
If you have seriously injured yourself, taken poisonous substances or overdosed on medicine or medicines, it is important you see a doctor immediately. Call 111 and ask for an ambulance, or go to the emergency department (ED) at your nearest hospital.
If you are worried about your immediate safety when you have hurt yourself, or are trying not to hurt yourself, do the following:
- Call your local mental health crisis assessment team or ask someone to take you to an emergency department (ED) at your nearest hospital.
- If you are in immediate physical danger, call 111.
It’s important to remember that you can seek help to stop self-harming. With support you can learn new ways to cope with your feelings without hurting yourself, even if you have been self-harming for a long time.
Retrieved from (https://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/get-help/a-z/resource/49/self-harm)
Māuiui mō te kai/Eating Disorders:
He māharahara ōu mō tētahi atu? Worried about someone?
Coping with suicidal thoughts/Whakaaro whakamomori:
Hei āwhina mā te ipurangi/Supporting someone online:
After a suicide attempt/Whai muri i te whakamātau i te whakamomori:
- Useful sites and links/He whārangi ipurangi pai
Useful sites and links/He whārangi ipurangi pai
- Mental health and addiction services 06 8692097 110 Peel Street
- Sexual and reproductive health 06 8689005 Clinic 141 Bright Street; Family Planning 06 8671864
- Rape Crisis Centre 06 8679967
Parent Helpline 0800 586 856
Healthline 0800 611 116
Pregnancy Counselling Services 0800 773462
Depression Helpline, free phone 0800 111 757
Talk to a trained counsellor who can discuss your situation and find you the right support (tautoko). Help is available all day, every day. You can also text them (4202).
Anxiety Line 0800 2694 389
Crisis assessment and treatment teams (CATT):
Crisis teams (called CATT or PES) provide 24-hour, seven-days-a-week assessment and short-term treatment services for people experiencing a serious mental health crisis. If you think you or someone you know has reached 'crisis point', you need urgent help. Emergency teams (called CATT or PES) provide 24 hour, 7 days a week assessment and short-term treatment services for people experiencing a serious mental health crisis that could include urgent safety issues. Contact your local Mental Health Services (06 8692097) immediately.
A website to help young New Zealanders understand depression and anxiety from their own perspective. Get in touch with a trained counsellor by free txt (5626) or click this link to visit the website https://thelowdown.co.nz/
Help lines/online therapy:
- Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor.
- Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE).
- Depression Helpline –0800 111 757.
- Suicide Crisis Helpline –0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) For people in distress, and people who are worried about someone else.
- Healthline – 0800 611 116.
- Samaritans –0800 726 666 (for callers from the Lower North Island, Christchurch and West Coast) or 04 473 9739 (for callers from all other regions).
- Youthline – 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email firstname.lastname@example.org
- What's Up – 0800 942 8787 – for 5–18-year-olds; Mon to Fri midday–11pm and weekends 3pm–11pm.
- Kidsline – 0800 54 37 54 (0800 KIDSLINE) – for young people up to 18 years of age. Open 24/7.
- OUTLine NZ – 0800 688 5463 (0800 OUTLINE) – provides confidential support for sexuality or gender identity issues.
- SPARX.org.nz – an online self-help tool that teaches young people the key skills needed to help combat depression and anxiety.
- The Journal – NZ based self-help programme designed to teach you skills that can help get through mild to moderate depression more effectively.
- Big White Wall. Free for Auckland DHB residents. A UK-based professionally facilitated, peer support community of people who are experiencing common mental health problems.
- Skylight https://skylight.org.nz/Helpful+Web+Links+for+Young+People
- Free Mood App diary http://www.anxiety.org.nz/resources/mood-diary-app-iphone/
- Just the Facts (sexual heatlh and stis) https://www.justthefacts.co.nz/
How to find a GP or Counsellor: